Bits of you....pieces. You cut away parts and let them get mixed in the downstream. Parts that once clung to you...were a part of you. Just nicked away, sliced, cut, shaven.
Why would I then, feel like that was not a habit? Why would I have entitlement to being different.
In the revealings it was not so surgical...it was actually quite methodical. Like a child plowing through a pop-up book, turning the page and moving the parts and watching it grow and reveal...and not being able to wait to turn to the next one...and the next one.
A favorite movie where you cannot wait for the great scene.
A song where the riff is contagious.
A food that you crave...either making or ideally somebody well-heeled serving it to you...bringing it to you.
Discovery. Unexpected. Delighted.
That was you...to me.
The Willy Wonka reveal of you to a part of me that found myself in the shade of you...everything making a collage of colors and tastes...and each one more perfect than the previous one on my tongue.
I found so many locked doors in you. But at times they were opened.
Once and again...in awhile. And the rooms behind them were so spectacular....standing in a hallway of dark stained floors and low-dimmed lights...finding rooms of candles and neon...colors I had never imagined....these discoveries of you that you let me find occasionally.
Occasionally.
You were like learning a new language...there was familiarity but not quite exact. But as uncomfortable as it was to learn a new tongue, I knew I could ultimately convey what I was trying to say.
You knew.
As much as I didn't, I think the biggest part was that you knew.
I revealed more.
I explored, and prodded...and went around the back-way where the weeds were tall to find perhaps a hidden entrance I hadn't seen from the front.
Leaving big footprints and broken stalks to mark my efforts...you could track me in your mind and perhaps open and unlock doors at your whim.
And maybe share. Maybe reveal.
But mostly it was like those slivers of follicles that you sliced every morning, wantonly letting them slip away from you and drift aimlessly into a drain.
They had once been part of you.
And maybe tomorrow some will grow back.
And that is the effort that I undertake.
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