Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Porn

Kiss. Catch. Caress. Clutch. 

Fold. Envelope. Hand. Fingers. Entwined. Wine in a glass, wine taste on a tongue. 

Slide slightly, move lightly, there. That is it. 

Bite. Nip. Tear into me like a ravishing. Bleed if only inside. While blood rushes to another part. 

Teeth collide. Violence. 

Whisper. Wait. 

Wait. Wait for me. 

Meld. Conform. Blow glass in heat and expand to art. Wield. Weld. Warm. 

Hand in hair, mouth on mouth. 

Slight sweat. Slip. Scalp. Wipe away the damp. Salt. Salt of you. Brine on the lips. 

A sudden clench. An angle perfected. 

Slow. Slowly. Slowing. 

Slow but stay there. 

Stay there. There 

There 

A place that releases a name. My name. Whispered. 

Collapse. Crumple. Coalesce. 

Find me in your arms. Find you in mine. 

Skin sticking, skin staying. 

Skin arcing in the rhythmic thump of a fast staying heartbeat. 

Air cooling, quieting. A sudden goose-bump moment. 

Slight brush of lips. Softer now. Slower. Softer. Lighter. Laughter. Lingering. Longing. Lounging. Lightly. Lightly. 

The reverse C of you into me. The drape of an arm. The entanglement. Where one ends, where one begins.

 Conjoined. Enjoyed. Indulged. 


Monday, October 28, 2013

1441

Create for me...make time for me...

In a day with 1, 440 minutes what exists in the in-between?  Could I conquer a minute of your time?  

I remember when I would anticipate your arrival, the anticipation of your existence, the wave of you crushing upon the dead sand of me, to awaken, to enliven, to greet me...and in the held-breath of what I'm sure were minutes but were most likely moments I could feel the anticipation.  I could wait for you.  I couldn't wait for you.

Now I'm a dead leaf on the windshield.  Flicked, annoyed.  

I think of when time was not sand, not a tick of a clock, but an environment.  A you and an I when there was nothing monitoring, nothing counting....it was a breath of me into you, and an inhalation of you into me.  

I think of the minutes you spend getting beautiful...to a world that may respond, maybe not.  I think of the minutes that you care getting ready.  I have already lived those.  I have already mentioned that perhaps you are too striking for the rest of us, for the rest of them.

I don't pretend of your beauty.  I remind you of it.  I don't say that it works.  I say that it stays.  I don't pretend.  I remind.  Because I put the truth in a moment, I cram the gorgeous in a minute.  A minute that doesn't exist.  I am not in your day...and maybe I'm not in your night.

Rather, I'm in that extra moment...that in-between time.  I'm that 1, 441st minute that exists only in your mind...when and where I can exist so that you remember how beautiful I believe you are...and perhaps for a minute...a moment...you believe as well.


Thursday, October 17, 2013

Sotto Voce

Maybe there are times when I'd rather just call your phone, hope that it rings the maximum amount of times and then click to the sound of your voicemail. 

To hear your voice like you'd greet a stranger. Like you'd greet an every man. 

Unenthusiastic. Untouched. 

Like going back in time when I couldn't cause a flutter, couldn't cause a hitch. 

I press my voice against a mouthpiece to convey a message, convey a word. An adjective. A verb. So very different against an ear. 

A word said in the dark is so ultimately dense that it falls upon you like a spider web, sticky, touching upon you. 

A word left in the box of a voicemail is mechanical. A timeframe. Disembodied. 

Disembodied. 

I'd so much rather hear your voice in the black then hear a recording of your voice out of the blue. At a point when I might call. 

Just to hear the sugar of your voice that once sweetened my day. 

Thursday, October 10, 2013

Evening






Click.

The door shuts behind me.  It is a metallic noise, a slot filled with a metal male into a metal female. Their connection a barely audible sound.

A sun hides behind trees, low in the West, hide and seek to an afternoon that is tired of chasing it.  It is the yellowing of a Kodak evening, edges curling like an old photo, a patina sheen to a day that was filled with numbers and voices, key strokes and conversations, the bane of a chore, the hamster-wheel going around in a cage.

Click.

The noise that I heard when you shut the door, a departure, a removal.  A jettison.  You, then not you.  Not even a pair of footsteps echoing to at least signal a movement away.  Just a sound, a metallic click that is not slammed in anger or frustration but rather of civility.  Business-like.  Hello, I'm done with you, Goodbye.

Click.

The classic toy view-master, advancing the picture scenes in colors across a plastic lens.  Next.  You and Me.  Next.  You without.  Next.  Me.  Next...a catch in the gears or something.  Mechanical.  It just stopped working.  It just stopped fucking working.

Click.

A fast iPhone photo.  A shared text.  A sent message.

Click.

A silence.

Click.

The aperture of the day is closing, the co-mingling of colors is becoming rapidly a darkened ink.  With each beat of a blink the day is just basically heading down a disposal, mauled together and blackening.  It has no rhythm, no courage.  No colors really.  Like a child spilling glass jars of paint in a single space, just a somewhat lengthy amount of work to what the day will end like, which is just a blackness.  A horizon trimmed with a burnt edge, but losing it quickly, a blink, then black.

Click.

The noise of a Sharpee as it crosses out another day.

Click.

The sound a file makes when removed from a drawer, placed on a desk and opened.  It is a memory jogged.  It is you thinking about it in the middle of the day, it is an unpleasant invasion, not anticipated and unwelcome.  It is the click of the gears in your mind, the cold hard machinery of a memory that you want rusted and chained and unoiled and unkempt and ossified and archaic and untouched and unmoved and unearthed and unveiled and uncomfortable and unseen, unknown, unavailable....

But every now and again, like a fast last bit of an orange sky immolating against itself before retreating completely into black...you hear a door shut...in your mind...of an escaped memory that has left whatever prison you created and is now roaming around for you to suddenly attempt to catch it...and with it, catch a glimpse of me.

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Zydeco








So they happened to stumble upon the place, like many of their diversions, by merely happening upon it. Music spilled out in boisterous fumes, loud, clanky, but thumping...compelling...you could tell that the band knew what it was doing and by the surge of people they realized that as well.

She had sort of grabbed his hand in a spontaneous gesture...but in his mind he knew it might have been planned.  She pulled him towards the steps leading up to the place...it was more of a shack house...called Sammy T's...like an old gas station that had wooden steps and a broad porch lit with neon.  Inside the blackened doorway he could glimpse the strings of white Christmas lights that garnished the room.  The swell of people was pretty strong...and in the humid air they glistened.

Zydeco music is a cultural heartbeat...the rhythm of Cajun influence into traditional blues, punctuated by an accordion, a washboard and a drum.  Maybe a great violin, maybe a keyboard.  But the beat is from a heart in full frenzy, almost erotic, that pulls the couples together in an embrace.  They watched the people dancing, the music loud, louder than an alarm, the room peppered with movement and faint white light from the bulbs.

He had quickly whispered as best he could that he was going to grab them a drink, and when he drew her in close, with her hair and her ear brushing up against him he smelled her.  It was like smelling a color, and he paused slightly, breathing her in, hoping she wouldn't pull away.  She didn't.

He returned with 2 iced down beers, sweating in his hands as the ice chips sloughed off, and he handed her one.  She clinked the bottle to his and sucked down a hefty swig as he watched.  Her pursed lips around the bottle, her throat moving in the gulps...he watched her and when she finished her eyes were smiling and she looked at him briefly.  For some god only knows reason he kissed her...unplanned, unforetold.  He grabbed her against the noise of the music, the thud of the drumbeat and the humidity of the crowd.  Her lips were still cold from the beer but there was a warmth behind it, a heat inside it, and he lingered upon her like a bead of sweat, lightly, delicately, just touching faintly.  It was he that broke it off and drew back.  She still had the smiling eyes.  But she seemed a little out of breath.  At least that is what he thought.

They watched the crowd, they watched the dancers.  They drank beers as the night grew long.  The shack house bounced with its wooden floors and its sheen of dark musicians.  They tried dancing to a few songs, mixing in a somewhat Texas 2 step with a bit of original moves...he caught her laughing as they tried to keep up with the beat, the band urging them on, glancing into strangers as they moved on the dance floor.  The humidity was a wrap, and they grew sweaty and wet-warm as the music kept playing.

Finally the band took a break.  It was still, like a swamp night, and the silence was imperfect because their ears were still ringing.  Conversations were now heard, and the lights seemed to brighten up just a bit.  It was like sprinting and then suddenly stopping to talk.

And then, in a brief moment, the overhead speakers came on...the owner decided to play some background music, and in the distractions of the band going off-stage and people mingling or refreshing drinks, he heard the first few sounds of a song.

It was a song he recognized, and he recognized how incongruently it sounded...it was Matchbox 20's "Back 2 Good"...and it was beginning to play in this darkened room filled with strangers and bar keeps and sounds of drinks being served, poured, glasses clinking, being set on coasters...

And he reached for her hand, and pulled slightly.  She followed, a little bit of a slow start and they found themselves in the middle of the floor...and he put his arms around her and slowly started dancing.  Not a fast dance, not a slow dance...just a dance to go with the simple 4:4 rhythm of the song...unfortunately the song starts slow and then advances...gets a little faster, but the tepid beat is fairly consistent.

In the ending portion of the song it slows again.  And he felt her against him, warm and wet, sweating around the back of her head, and he felt conjoined.  He felt she was stuck on him.

The music stopped and nothing replaced it.  She kind of swayed a little bit, like the music was still playing.  He pulled her tight in one last clench to let her know the dance was ending and then felt the release of her arms against him.

When he looked at her the eyes were still smiling.

Outside a storm broke and he could hear the rain on the roof and in the street.  Felt the cool breeze flush into the room and some near the door moved closer to the stage.

He couldn't wait for the band to start up again.


Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Not Mine, Part II



"Somebody asked me if I knew you...

...a million memories flashed through my mind...

....but I just smiled....

...and said...

... I used to."