He struggled with the wrapping paper.
Not as much as he struggled with the gift though...knowing full well the particular size of the box would fully raise already-raised eyebrows in her family.
But once purchased it was no longer a weight in his mind...he had transacted and now he need only to give it away.
But the wrapping paper wasn't cooperative; it tore twice...the scissors left sloppy edges...the corners were tucked around the box unevenly...he literally almost went through a whole roll to cover a box the size of a hockey puck.
In the end he stuck a big ribbon on it to mask any imperfections. It was on the seat beside him now as he drove south.
The treelines were devoid of any leaves, they were stark burnt matchsticks stuck in the dark earth...the road was a black smear across the world and nobody was on it...it was darkening quickly, one day after the solstice it still got dark early.
In this part of the world.
This was her part of the world...but he didn't feel invasive. Just outside of it. It has formed a protective cocoon around her...it might as well have been a bit of sanctuary...it was quieter and more reminiscent for her...she never complained about it. She returned to it.
And it was beyond the bounds of logic that he would ever enter into it...this place...foreign but familial. Her roots were as deep here as they had long been in her family...anointing earth and property with the blood and sweat of generations...there were many of her family buried down there...it was true north...her capital H Home...she felt its pull like a tide...and returned to it with a humble pride.
As she should.
He could feel the south enveloping him as he drove, the flattening of the lands and the tributaries of water as he drove across bridges...he had one scary moment when a deer poked its head out of the forest, black eyes glinting off of his headlights in the near-dusk sky...but it stayed still and he didn't have to slam on his brakes.
He knew she was already there, having gone down a few days earlier. In fact his arrival had been debated passionately...whether to come, whether to stay away. In the end she confided that the visit was perhaps long overdue...she could reveal what she had been keeping inside and now let it outside...unwrapping him so to speak for the rest to see.
He checked Waze and found himself suddenly near...and a bit unsettled. He imagined they'd be assembled like an audience when he strode in, a lone entertainer...a soloist. Very little room for second impressions...his unfamiliarity a knife through the comfort and accordance...he just hoped that moment would just be a second long and then he could find a drink.
He pulled up to the place that Waze indicated was his destination...the cars and trucks parked outside seeming to indicate some sort of party. He had passed a red barn and he knew that was a marker.
Turning off the ignition, he let the car tick for a few minutes...no doubt they had seen the headlights so he didn't have a lot of time. He texted her to state his arrival but she didn't respond.
He reached over the seat and grabbed both his gift for her and the housewarming gift box. There was also a sprig of winter colored flowers...this wasn't his first rodeo.
He strode towards the front door, pausing to look up briefly...here, uncluttered by nearby cities the sky was ablaze...and the scents were of nearby brackish rivers and estuaries...he imagined there was a certain point in her drive, with the windows open, that she knew she was close...she could smell home before she got there.
He walked up and saw lights on everywhere, and laughter from the inside. He saw movement and stirring. He knocked and waited...there wasn't a porch light on so he wasn't visible except as a shadow.
The noise from inside was loud...he looked for a doorbell...wondered if ringing it would be a good idea...maybe infants were asleep, dogs were lounging...he didn't want to announce himself in chaos.
He set the gifts down to fetch his phone...still no response to his text. He mouthed an obscene word and put the phone back into his pocket and picked up the gifts.
And stared at the door.
Inside was a world that was about to be slightly altered...not necessarily in a bad way but there would definitely be a shift in gravity....and he was that force. And again, it wasn't a planetary explosion or a black hole appearing in their universe...but rather maybe a new moon. Or a new star.
But not a new sun...no, that role was reserved for her. She was his.
He thought he'd knock a little louder this time and the door was opened...by somebody he didn't recognize...so he said his name...followed by her name so there was some context. It was a male who opened and in typical male fashion he just nodded and gestured for him to come in.
It was warm, the warmth of people in the house and winter clothes combining...the noise level was tolerant but staccato bursts of laughter came from the kitchen. He thought he heard the sound of her. It was distinguishable against the din. He could recognize it anywhere. Anytime.
A few turned to regard him and he smiled and nodded and he remembered later that the silence in the living room caused a few to come out of the kitchen. She was one of them...and at that moment, he was introduced in her world...they were all watching...waiting. He was as well. Would she cross over and shake his hand? Would she run and jump into his arms into a hug?
She looked amazing...cheeks red from laughing, eyes a bit of shine with bourbon and she looked like you would hope she would look at Christmas...wearing red.
She walked past cousins and sisters, brothers and infants, navigating a maze of legs and chairs and then she was in front of him...she was still smiling. And she leaned in, slightly smashing the presents, slightly crushing the flower arrangements and she kissed him on the mouth.
and stepped back and laughed...a delightful disruption in the room, and taking their cue from her they all stood and smiled and came up to him and took his gifts and soon he was standing there shaking hands and being introduced to names and faces...and they were friendly and accommodating...the southern hospitality spilled out like honey and pooled around them.
He made small talk and pointed out at some of the decorations on the tree...he held one of the toddlers and took one of the drinks offered to him...it was vodka and cranberry and it was a perfect shade of pink. He looked around, found her, arms folded and regarding him...and he raised his glass to her. She blew him a kiss.
It was much later that he was finally able to catch it...apply it...and return it. They were in an old room, probably hers but either way they were finally alone...they spoke in muted tones...intermittent kisses and the clutch of two people who now could revert to a much smaller world. A world where the wallpaper was from her youth...the bed a familiar one where she had laid her head many many times before...but alone.
In the light from outside the window there were some first tiny flurries...unexpected...just drifting along with the wind. Bouncing lightly against the glass...she mentioned seeing them first and for a few minutes they enjoyed the sight of tiny scurrying flakes against the world, that snow-globe effect where they were inside it and it was being shaken up outside with the lights revealing the whirlwind effect. Somewhere outside the room an old clock in the hall ticked away...
The noise from below was lowering as doors were closed and car lights lit up...their beams adding to the whirlwind as they cut across the lawn and illuminated the scenery.
Soon it was quiet...and they were laying on the small bed, their bodies aligned along each other as her upper torso was against him and their legs paralleled...they were still dressed, almost like a gesture of formality to his presence in her old house.
They stayed like that for a very long time, listening to the clock in the hall periodically chime, watching the snow grow larger outside, whirling bits as random as dreams, the two of them keeping each other warm, the unopened box still in its wrapping paper near her bedside to be opened soon...
They whispered into the night...sometimes lips touching, forming words against a kiss...mostly he just breathed her in...this sun, providing new oxygen in a life found in a whole new world.
